I just wasted a morning looking at Facebook.
I didn’t mean to. I just thought I’d check it in case someone had messaged me. After responding to a friend request, I decided to look at the person’s pictures, just to make sure I knew who she was.
Apparently, she had a rather checkered past and was once a dancer. In Russia.
Very quickly, I discovered she did a little more than dancing and, perhaps, was “friendly,” not necessarily a friend. I tried to figure out how to un-friend her, but the folks at Facebook weren’t necessarily good at giving instructions that were useful.
Thanks to my new “friend,” I started getting more requests and some unusual pop-ups.
Some stupid video thing kept running, too, and I wasn't quite sure how to avoid all these dumb quizzes.
“Which Disney character are you?”
I took that one four times until I realized they were on a loop and “anybody” could get Simba. It wasn’t just me.
A “like” on one of the photos I posted came from an old high school friend, so I spent 20 minutes looking at her page, checking out her friends and discovering what had happened to the kid who sat behind me in English. That prompted another scavenger hunt and a wallow in “throwback Thursday” pictures that happened to include me. I tagged myself in the photos, just in case anyone wanted to find me.
While snooping, a bell rang on my computer and a Facebook friend decided he wanted to “chat live." That chewed up another 10 minutes and led me back to his page to figure out who the heck he was. Immediately, I discovered he was friends with the Russian dancer, too, which could explain how I became so close in such a short period of time.
On his page, I spotted a video of “amazing wedding flashmobs.” Considering too many couples shouldn’t try something like this, I had to watch. It was fairly good, but not as good as the “beautiful celebrities who started out as ugly kids” slideshow that consumed even more time (damn pop-ups!). As soon as I got done with that, I looked at “birthday cake fails,” “Olive Garden’s secret recipes” and “foods that help you lose weight.”
A notice told me I hadn’t said “happy birthday” to three friends and that I had four events to attend today. I also discovered “six easy ways to clean the whole house in five minutes” (I need that), the “miracle solution to tough stains” (vinegar) and “how to organize your life.”
Because prom was last week, I decided to scan through 366 photos of teenage couples just to see who duped her parents into letting her buy that revealing and inappropriate dress. I wasn’t disappointed. There were several that looked like they belonged on a Russian dancer. And, there were quite a few boys who looked like they were too young to be going out with girls that scantily clad.
Mother’s Day photos brought out the “like” in me (I’m a sucker for a good mom-and-kid picture) and reminded me I should message several relatives. They, too, had some interesting developments and their own share of problems. I told three of them I’d put in prayers for surgery/bad relationships/good grades and lied when I commented on photos of a new baby. (Sadly, all babies are not cute – see “beautiful celebrities who started out as ugly kids.”)
By the time I had finished trolling, I saw an ad in the corner for 40 percent off shoes. I spent another 10 minutes browsing the latest styles, bought a pair I probably didn’t need and realized I had now been added to the Cole-Haan shoe lovers group.
By the time I completed the transaction, I was alerted that three people had liked my choice, suggesting I was not only thrifty, but fashionable.
One of them, of course, was the Russian dancer but I think that’s how these Facebook friendships go. Once you latch on to someone, it’s hard to let her go.