You and your "wolf pack" of well-lubricated wastrels may be bidding adieu to 2013 in much the same manner you guys welcomed in the year: by hoisting a few too many, come New Year's Eve.
OK, we hear ya, but what about the woozy morning after? Yup, we're talking about the New Year's Day hangover, which is as much a holiday perennial as the Rose Bowl Parade.
As a public service to you, we offer the sudsy science and buzzy cures behind hangovers and, more important, a host of Weekender-tested grub that may help your groggy noggin seem less groggy come 2014.
Cure 1: Hangover burger
Grease? Check. Pig meat? Uh-huh. Plus a slathering of saucy stuff that will make you sweat? Yes, please, slather away.
You don't need to be some freaky foodie to know that the executive chef at Minerva's Restaurant & Bar, 2945 Hamilton Blvd., can make great grub.
After all, a guy named Andrew Burger is the perfect person to serve up the restaurant's signature Hangover Burger, right?
"I love our Hangover Burger because it has every food known to mankind that will cure a hangover," Burger, Minerva's executive chef since September, explained. "It has a ground beef patty, applewood bacon, American cheese, sriracha aioli, fried egg, all on a egg roll."
Burger's on the right track regarding eggs, since 1) they are crammed with Vitamin B, which the Annals of Internal Medicine said can lessen the symptoms of hangovers and 2) they contain cysteine, an amino acid that is powerful enough to break down the toxins your body can't.
The greasy meats also are packed with plenty of amino.
"There's something about the oily combo of meat and cheese, the saltiness of the bacon, the spiciness of the aioli and the general egginess that works in complete harmony," he noted. "Our Hangover Burger is a harmonious meal when you desperately need a little harmony."
Unlike the other burgers on Minerva's extensive menu, the Hangover Burger leaves out frou-frou fillers such as lettuce and crap like that.
"Nope, this is a meat-lover's burger," Burger said. "Every once in a while, you need to kick back and indulge. If you ask me, this burger is the ultimate indulgent meal following a night of drinking."
Cure 2: Bloody Mary
Perhaps, an even more indulgent way to cure a hangover is to drink some more. At least, that's the advice of Kortney Barbee, resident "mixologist" at Soho Kitchen & Bar, 1024 Fourth St.
"It may sound strange," she said, "but drinking a Bloody Mary is a traditional go-to drink for the morning after a night of overindulging."
At Soho, Barbee and crew use a pre-made Bloody Mary mix from the Iowa City-based Hair of the Dawg to produce a drink that incorporates Tabasco, Worcestershire, horseradish, vodka and tomato juice.
In fact, it's the tomato juice that's key.
According to the National Institutes of Health, when we drink, our livers are too busy soaking up the booze to maintain adequate blood sugar levels.
With a surplus of simple sugars, tomato juice can elevate those darn blood sugar levels and get you ready for some more drinking.
Um, if that's your thing, of course.
Cure 3: Vietnamese pho
If not, might we suggest a heaping bowl of some Vietnamese street food?
A noodle soup containing broth and meat, pho (pronounced "fuh") is served at several of Sioux City's Vietnamese restaurants, including Cafe Danh, 1529 Pierce St.
Although a hot soup (especially one supplemented with a whole lotta sriracha hot sauce) certainly sounds good for a post-bender meal, the most important part of pho's hangover remedy powers comes from its herbs.
Ginger -- a common herb used in most pho -- can cure upset stomachs (including those those tummy-aches that are alcohol-induced), according to the National Center for Biotechnology Information.
Cure 4: Banana split
Our next hangover food recommendation may seem odd, but hear us out.
One of the reasons we feel hungover is due to dehydration. When we drink we pee essential minerals like potassium out of our body. According to Livestrong.com, a way to replenish ourselves with potassium is with potassium-rich foods like bananas.
Since bananas as a fruit are, let's face it, hella gross. That's why we prefer our bananas swimming in a sea of ice cream.
For more than 80 years, Green Gables, 1800 Pierce St., has been serving the Harem Share'em, a flaming (literally), kicked-up banana split with chocolate and vanilla ice cream, topped off with chocolate syrup, whipped cream, almonds and a bright maraschino cherry.
Hey, you may have ended the year in a drunken stupor but 2014 is looking much, much brighter.
Um, should we really be so close to a fiery dessert with a gullet full of alcohol?
Well, the ice cream will help to put out an possible flames ... at least, we hope.