When I walked into 7 Circles Healing Center, I didn't expect Joe Simons to immediately read my aura.
But once Simons did, he informed me that my mind was racing a mile a minute, my adrenal glands were feeling over-stressed and my rectum was holding onto some seriously bad thought patterns.
Don't you hate it when that happens.
OK, I'm a cynic when it comes to new age-y stuff. However, Simons' 60-page (!) report on what made me tick proved surprisingly accurate.
And how was he able to read my aura in the first place? I simply placed my hand onto a biomedical sensor which scanned through 49 different reflex zones.
And how long did this process last? Thirty seconds was all Simons needed to glance into my admittedly twisted psyche.
"I have the only Biopulsar-Reflexograph in Sioux City," he said inside his 4501 Stone Ave. alternative healthy care clinic. "You'd have to go to Omaha or Minneapolis to get as complete a bioanalysis as you'd get from me."
Did it wig me out that Simons, a Reiki Master, spiritual guide and an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church, knew more about my brain, lower back and bladder than I did? To be honest, yes it did.
But Simons has been dabbling into Far Eastern healing practices ever since he was a five-year-old boy coping with his dad's dying of cancer.
"When you go through an experience like that, you're looking for answers," the 38-year-old said. "I've been searching for answers ever since."
This was true when Simons was working at Gateway Computers. It was even more true when he began helping troubled children and their families overcome obstacles through meditation.
He decided to concentrate solely on holistic health care less than a year ago.
"There's a strong connection between one's physical, spiritual and mental health," Simons said. "I consider what I do as being a form of preventive medicine."
From 10 a.m. - 12:30 p.m. Simons will be teaching an Awaken Creativity Chakra Workshop at the facilities he shares with Studio 83 Holistic Wellness Center. The classes will continue with an Awaken Your Voice Chakra Workshop on Dec. 2 and an Awaken Connection Chakra Workshop on Dec. 9.
Is this all a bunch of mumble-jumble? I don't think so.
According to Simons, holistic health care has literally been around for centuries. Plus major medical centers like the Mayo Clinic and John Hopkins Hospital is beginning to understand the value of bioanalysis technology.
You take your car into the shop for a tune-up. Think of Simons' services as being a tune-up of a spiritual kind.
"Technology has come so far so fast," he said. "We have the ability to perform a complete analysis of a person's energy center in seconds. We have the ability to measure to 43 organs and glands while allowing a person to track his overall health and well-being."
Which is good news for me, since I apparently have some blockage in my body's energy center.
Hmm, maybe that's why my rectum seems to have a mind of its own.