Stabbed, covered in chocolate and submerged in a volcanic pool of deep-fried grease.
Are we unveiling spoilers for the upcoming season of "Game of Thrones?" Nope, we're simply talking about the way we like our county fair food.
We like 'em on a stick, drizzled in goop and served steaming from the fryer.
Since the Plymouth County Fair begins in Le Mars, Iowa, on Wednesday, we wanted to see what's new in fair food.
While the five-day Plymouth County has a quirky food items like its Pork Chop in a Glove -- literally, a pork chop served inside a work glove -- it can't hold a candle to the freaky food being served at the Iowa State Fair.
Being held Aug. 10 - 20 in Des Moines, the State Fair promises such oddball items as a Cheesy Fried Enchilada Funnel Cake.
Remember those decadently sweet funnel cake desserts we loved as kids? Well, these are definitely not the same things. First of all, this is corn meal batter that's been flavored with enchilada spices. Secondly, it is topped with tons of chorizo and stringy white queso.
If you're hankering for something more conventionally sweet, might we suggest the Apple Taco?
New to the Iowa State Fair this year, this soft-shelled tortilla is deep-fried and sprinkled in cinnamon sugar, filled with Granny Smith apples and topped with both whipped cream and caramel.
Or if you want a combo between savory and sweet, there's the Pancake Taco. It's a breakfast taco filled with scrambled eggs, cheese, sausage and bacon with a pancake acting as the shell. Be sure to drizzle a bucket of syrup to sweeten this bad boy.
However, the most enticing new fair food item may end up being a bruschetta sundae called Mount Vesuvius.
According to the Iowa State Fair's website, toasted Ciabatta bread is topped with three different Italian specialties.
A volcano of honey-sweetened cream cheese erupts between two seedless grapes and overflows with savory fig balsamic reduction lava. Pine nuts and seasoned tomatoes that have been wood oven-roasted are topped with fresh basil pesto. Icy cold fresh mozzarella cheese slice, sweet basil, heirloom tomato are then topped with olive oil and an Italian Flag.
We don't know about you but we gush when reading Mount Vesuvius.
Still, it sounds a bit healthy for us.
If you want our opinion, fair foods should always have at least a few pig parts in it.
That's why we're intrigued by something called Pork Almighty.
The Pork Almighty contains crispy beer battered twister fries that is covered with queso cheese sauce, smothered with smoked shredded pork, topped with sauteed onions, green peppers, Cookies BBQ sauce and is sprinkled with shredded cheese.
Bottom line: fair food is fun food because it's once-a-year food. Hey, you wouldn't want a pork chop in a glove or deep-fried Oreos or an apple taco once a year.
Though we may reserve the right to eat a Cheesy Fried Enchilada Funnel Cake on a daily basis because that sounds awesome, right?