School's out for summer! School's out forever!
Ah crap, we completely forgot we have to go to summer school!
If truth be told, your friends at the Weekender were seldom at top of the Dean's List. Indeed, our collegiate glory days had more similarities to "Animal House" than it did to "Good Will Hunting."
Yet even chronic underachievers can have a few positive characteristics.
For instance, we could spot a rad party with an accuracy greater than GPS!
With summer just around the corner, we are willing to share our expertise with the next generation of scholar wannabes.
Here is the Weekender's guide to cool ways of surviving summer school.
BRIAR CLIFF UNIVERSITY, 3303 Rebecca St.
Your school in 50 words or less: A private, Franciscan Roman Catholic liberal arts college, Briar Cliff sits on top of a big, honkin' hill. It is the home of the Chargers, not the Charge It's. Although, that may change when your student loans come due.
Best, non-chain eating establishment where you can stick it to the man while acting intellectual in a secluded corner: Horizon Family Restaurant is a popular place among college kids for a very simple reason. The joint never, ever closes. In the mood for chocolate chip waffles, a side of chili cheese fries and a gyro for the road? It doesn't matter if it's 4 a.m. or 4 p.m., this iconic 1220 Tri View Ave. eatery will prove to be a life saver every time you have the munchies.
Place to get in touch with your inner geek: Walking inside DeWolf's Non-Sports Cards & Junque Shoppe, first-timers are overwhelmed by the amount of nerdy paraphernalia lovingly curated by owner Brian DeWolf. From slightly banged-up Charlie Brown lunch boxes to weird-ass"X-Files" artifacts to a shockingly wide array of WWE merch, you may never want to leave this 1420 Villa Ave. store.
Clink your beer bottle with some blue collar brew: C'mon, you're too hard core to hang with that fancy-schmancy craft beer crowd. Nope, you want to go to Prince's Tavern, which looks like it hasn't changed much in the past 40 (50?) years. Leave the expensive IPAs to out-of-touch yuppies. You wanna head over to 1920 Center St. where the beer's cheap, the pool table is open and there is an excellent chance that Toby Keith will be playing on the jukebox.
WESTERN IOWA TECH COMMUNITY COLLEGE, 4647 Stone Ave.
Your school in 50 words or less: Best known as a community college that offers associate degrees and certificate programs, Western Iowa Tech used to be known as "WIT" back in the day. Now, it must be abbreviated "WITCC," which just looks weird.
Most convenient place to drink organic coffee while washing clothes: College kids are nothing if not industrious multi-taskers. This is why Stone Bru Organic Coffee (4243 Stone Ave.) is such a revelation. You can pick up an espresso while doing a load in then laundromat next door.
Seeing wild life right on campus: Anyone who has ever been on Western Iowa Tech will know you see strange things on campus. Nope, we don't be the students or the faculty. We mean the turkeys, the deer and the weird life that turn up all the time. You don't have to leave the city in order to see a wild kingdom. Hell, you don't even need to leave your dorm room to see a bunch o'critters.
Best place to lose your shirt while trying to be athletic: During our college years, your friends at the Weekender went by a number of different nicknames. Some people called us shirtless dweebs while others called us bare chested morons. Um ... yeah, it seems like the only time we weren't half-naked in college was when we in class. However, an appropriate place to be sans shirt is on the sand volleyball court at Jim's Lounge, 4505 Stone Ave.
MORNINGSIDE COLLEGE, 1501 Morningside Ave.
Your school in 50 words or less: Founded in 1894, Morningside College can count Dear Abby and Ann Landers as famous alums and Roadman Hall as being the only haunted dorm on campus. We truly hope it isn't either Dear Abby nor Ann Landers who are haunting Roadman.
Best place to get your daily requirement of grease: We kid Bob Roe because we love Bob Roe. After all, Roe's Point After is the perfect place to pick up pizza, wings and burgers. When you go to 2320 Transit Ave., grab about 50 or 60 napkins. You'll need every one of 'em but you won't stop eating the food.
Most convenient way to pick up a Metallica t-shirt: Slightly-used running shoes? OK. Ratty old jeans? Perhaps. The metal head t-shirt your mom threw away after it feel apart? Bingo! There are at least three thrift shops in the vicinity of Morningside's campus. In fact, two of them (As Good As New Consignments, 2018 So. St. Aubin and Classique Closet, 4118 Morningside Ave) are within walking distance.
Most delicious place to gain the 'Freshman 15': Nope, we're not suggesting you eat nothing but junk food thus summer. We're just saying that Sunkist Bakery, 4607 Morningside Ave., is so convenient. When you're old like the Weekender staff, a whiff of a freshly-made doughnut will make you pack on the pounds. As a punky college kid, you'll work off all of that wonderful sugar in no time.
Now, get off of our lawn! Feh, punky college kids!