PARTING SHOT: Never buy anything after 11 p.m.

I learned that lesson years ago when I cut a finger on a broken glass, couldn’t stop the bleeding and had to go to the emergency room to get stitches. Now, if there are dirty dishes, they sit.

Or go in the dish washer. None of this “I’ll wash up before bedtime” stuff.

The lesson has served me well.

Now it has been joined by a new one: Never buy anything online after 11 p.m. (Notice how the times are getting earlier?)

I saw an ad on social media for Gummy bears that would help you lose up to 50 pounds, just by taking one a day. No exercise. No diet change. No effort – except ordering before midnight. Supplies were limited, which meant I couldn’t dally.

At the low, low cost of $39.50, I would get five bottles of the miracle candy and could expect to be thinner before Thanksgiving.

I figured, $39.50, what could I lose – besides 50 pounds?

I pressed the app and, suddenly, I was charged $290. Wait…what happened to the $39.50 price? I was acting before midnight? How do I fix this?

I pressed everything, tried to see where it went wrong and why I hadn’t gotten a “confirm” screen to make sure I really wanted to go ahead with this. The company had my credit card number, but I hadn’t signed off on it.

Furiously, I looked for a place to call. No luck.

As the clock ticked down to midnight, I decided to contact my credit card company. A person in the fraud department said I had already been charged $290 (in mere seconds) and the only thing she could do was dispute the charge and put a hold on the card. I said, “Do it,” and then she said, “Call the company. I have a number here.”

Quickly – with minutes left before midnight – I contacted the company and got an uneasy feeling the minute I got someone. “I’m sorry, that order has already been processed and is on its way to you,” the agent told me.

What? In mere minutes? In the background I could hear hooting and hollering. Either this was party day at the diet Gummy place or they had suckered someone else into this $39.50 scam. “The only thing I can suggest is sending the medication back to us as soon as you get it. We must receive it within a week,” the representative said.

I got the address and, two days later, got the package. I barely opened the bag and had it ready to go to the post office.

There, I was told, it could stay on a loading dock for a number of days, so I couldn’t be assured of it making it there in a week. Worse, I didn’t have a name of a specific person to target – if I wanted to send it more quickly.

Nearly $18 later, the package was gone.

In the meantime, I turned on the TV set and realized “due to lack of payment” I would not have access to programs. What? What’s this?

Because that bill was on auto-pay through my credit card (the one I put on hold, remember), I no longer had TV service. Even worse? The company had been sending me e-mails through my old, no-longer-working e-mail address.

I created a new account, got TV and realized I might be charged twice – once on the “on hold” credit card and once on a different one.

It’s been more than a week, now, and I haven’t heard if everything was cleared. I don’t know if the Gummys made it to the warehouse. I don’t know if I’m paying for two TV subscriptions. I’m not sure if any other auto-pay accounts are going to be sending me "tilt" messages.

But I do know this: I will never order anything after 10 p.m. if it’s sharp or can help me drop 50 pounds in just weeks.

I’ve had enough trauma.

Now, pass the candy and don’t say a thing.