Fast food spokespeople tend to be 1. weird (yes, Ronald McDonald, we're looking at you!); 2. campy (the all-star lineup of KFC Colonel Sanders impersonators, for instance); or 3. downright terrifying (admit it: the Burger King king gives everyone the heebie-jeebies).
So, when someone cool like the Wu-Tang Clan's RZA (AKA Robert Fitzgerald Diggs) began promoting White Castle's new line of meatless sliders in a series of online commercials in 2018, we took notice.
NOT JUST FOR STONERS ANYMORE
In a four-part series of spots entitled "Wu-Tang in Space Eating Impossible Sliders," the legendary hip-hop artist was joined by fellow group members GZA and Ghostface Killah, chowing down on the Columbus, Ohio-based chain's plant-based mini-burgers.
More amazingly, actor Kal Penn -- who, along with John Cho made the no-fuss fast food into a cult favorite, via "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle" -- also began extolling the virtue of a completely vegan slider.
NUKE 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM
Since Sioux City doesn't have a White Castle restaurant, we were heartened by the fact that the chain also offered a microwavable version of a its meat-free slider.
Yeah, we know what you're thinking. Frozen all-beef White Castle sliders have been around for a while and one would have to be stoned to eat them.
Simple in concept, White Castles are palm-sized burgers that have dehydrated slivers of onions shoved right onto the patty. Delicious when freshly-made, they lost a step when given a freezer-case cousin.
When nuked for a minute, White Castle frozen sliders would come out of the microwave with a hard, overheated bun and a still-icy patty.
We're happy to say that the White Castle Veggie Slider and the Black Bean Slider didn't experience a similar fate.
THE RIGHT WAY (AND THE WRONG WAY) TO COOK A NON-MEAT SLIDER
All boxes of White Castle microwavable sliders offer instruction on how to cook it either thawed or frozen. Ignore the latter while concentrating on the former.
Never freeze these microwavable bad boys. Let 'em defrost in your frig. They come in boxes of four and are so tiny that you are likely to eat all of 'em.
Take them out of their plastic wrap before covering then with a loose, slightly damp paper towel. Nuke the sandwich, bottom bun up, for 20 seconds. Repeat with the top bun up for another 20 seconds. Leave it in the microwave for 60 seconds before taking it out. Your White Castle will come out perfect every time.
WHITE CASTLE VEGGIE SLIDER
WHAT'S IN IT: According to the packaging, it is made with carrots, spinach, peas and "more."
WHAT WOULD A MEAT EATER THINK: First of all, it doesn't taste anything like beef. But secondly, it doesn't have that weird "old school" veggie burger taste either. You know, like you're eating mush or a disc in place of a patty. In terms of texture, this tastes like a nicely-flavored cutlet of unknown origin.
HOW WE IMPROVED THE TASTE: Slather on plenty of Kewpie mayo or a nice grainy mustard to make the veggies pop.
OUR (COMPLETELY UNBAKED) SCORE: 3 out of a possible 5
WHITE CASTLE BLACK BEAN SLIDER
WHAT'S IN IT: Black beans, peppers, corn and "more"
WHAT WOULD A MEAT EATER THINK: Ever ordered a black bean burger at a fancy restaurant and complain that it cost the same as beef burger? The White Castle Black Bean Burger has the same smoky, substantial taste but for one-third the price.
HOW WE IMPROVED THE TASTE: Have you ever heard of gochujang? This is a Korean red chili paste that has a jelly-like consistency but has a heat like a spicy ketchup. Slap it onto a black bean burger with a few jalapenos and you'll have an umami explosion in your mouth.
OUR (COMPLETELY UNBAKED) SCORE: 3.5 out of a possible 4